Let Go (Part II, Forgiving)

As I had previously stated we all are scared to look deep down on ourselves but this was it for me.

I read somewhere: the difference between forgiving and forgetting is that If I did not truly forgive I would be stuck on a mental prison of my own.
I could relate a little to that. Locked behind the bars of my own bitterness is how it had felt for the past few months, probably years;specially after trying to take my mind of my own reality by binge-watching different TV shows, one of them being “Orange is the new black.”But I would see how lucky I was though juxtaposed with the inmates, because I had always hold the key to my ultimate freedom and redemption.

***

Living with resentment is a dangerous thing that many of us are unconscious to see and fail to realize we are subsisting with.
“Is like having someone else walking behind you, dragging you down constantly, soaking all the good in you, all of your energy, your creativity, whispering you to hold a grudge and after leaving you completely depleted”

One day I was finally wide awake and discerned that this was rotting me to my core and had not only put me in a state of Isolation with the person I believed had committed an injustice against me, but also with the people that I interacted with on a daily basis, because I was unable to love them profusely and give them care to my full throttle.

I had all the symptoms, lack of sleep, anger, overreacting every time over small things, and all of this lead to a mild depression that I had gone through without actually attaining I was in such a state.

***

“Holding on to resentment is like holding on to your breath, sooner or later you will begin to suffocate”

by Deepak Chopra

I certainly felt suffocated but I wanted to survive.
Things happen for reasons we don’t quite fully understand, but If we could step away a little from the situation we would see that we can extract something good from it that we wouldn’t had learned otherwise.

and that’s how I choose to see it, there was nothing I could do to change what I had done or how I managed some situations in the past, but all I could do is focus on the now, and do some things differently.

“Trying to stay afloat in the midst of an ocean of obstacles that were drowning me slowly”

***

I was decided to shake this thing off.

“May be it would leave a scar, but like a soldier after battle I would wear proudly my scars as badges from previous wars but not my defeats.”

So I started texting and getting in touch with some people I hadn’t spoke in months. I started gracing my presence with those people I had not spoken with and just rejoicing being with them.

What they had done to me didn’t matter anymore.It would not define me.

then there was the hardest part of all, to forgive myself. forgiving myself and opening to new possibilities.

freeing myself from the pain, anger and bitterness that If only I had done things differently and just let it go. 

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“The city of blinding lights” (My Experience in Taiwan Part1)

Taipei City (Credit: Rainer Zimmerman)

I wanted to share with you all the story of how I ended up going to taiwan.

So I had just graduated from college in United States (Mid 2010), and I was in a little bit of a dilemma in terms of what was going to happen next for me to succeed in my career, I was already back home trying to find a job in El Salvador, but there was still an economic recession that had taken by surprise most of the businesses.

So I was looking for the next big thing, I knew that If I wanted to get a good job, just a bachelors degree was not enough, I needed to keep pursuing my studies, a Master’s degree, I needed to keep pushing further and further.

So one day after a lot of work I came about with the Taiwan scholarship. It was just the perfect deal, because I was going to get one year of studying only Chinese (mandarin), which nowadays is the most spoken language in the world. After that I could choose any master’s degree to study. It just happened that Taiwan has some of the best design schools in the world. It was just what I was looking for, and two months after, the journey was on track again.

***

Leaving family, friends, memories, just following a dream, I boarded a 22 hour flight on my way to Taiwan. Left my hometown with a purpose in mind, to succeed in a way that I could be able to give back.

After two days of traveling, I found myself in the middle of a sunny-humid day in the other side of the world, everything seemed what I had just imagined but just a little better.

Taipei Sunset (Photo Credit: Rainer Zimmerman)

The first week in Taiwan, I had the time of my life getting to know a part of the world that I never thought I could have the chance to see. I  liked to call it “the city of blinding lights, the city of no sleep. (I know Paris, is famously referred as that, but for me Taipei was my Paris)

City of Lights (Credit: Rainer Zimmerman)

***

At first I was a little scared, I felt like in some kind of alter dimension, because everything changed really fast, and everything was so different; and after the awe of exploring everything that there’s to see, it just hits you that you are far away from home. I learned to appreciate the gift of being given to explore new opportunities, and that this type of experience only happen once and you may never have the chance of having something like this.

(Credit: Rainer Zimmerman)

Back home when people don’t understand what you say they ask you if you are speaking to them in Chinese, because it is not clear. Most People think that the Chinese language is so hard, but I don’t think is that hard, as soon as I started learning, I was able to admire the tradition under what it stands, and I gained more respect for the culture and the level of commitment taiwanese people have.

***

Everyday was a learning experience, the public transportation was so organised and safe, the streets are very clean, the people are the most helpful you can think, it doesn’t matter where you are, there’s always going to be someone who is going to help you, and the people abide the rules so voluntarily (just a tiny bit different than El Salvador, my home country), its just refreshing how a culture can be so systematic. No wonder taiwan’s economy has grown so fast and is so enduring.

(Credit: Ernesto Jose Juarez)

I felt so lucky to be in Taiwan, I feel I can do anything being in Taiwan, so many things that wouldn’t have been easier for me back in central America. There’s a new opportunity everywhere you look, one day is all it take to turn things around.

Survival instinct, that’s how I call it, because it seems that when you come here most of the things are against you, the language, the money, the culture, the independent responsibilities,all of the conditions could make you fail, there’s something you have to get from within to make it here.

Taiwan Temple (Credit: Rainer Zimmerman)

So far I have been here for over two years and I have fallen in love with everything Taiwanese, the people couldn’t be more helpful, the food couldn’t be more different but I have been able to love it, the language couldn’t be more difficult but I have learned to appreciate it, and everyday keeps on surprising me.

City Center (Credit: Rainer Zimmerman)

To be honest with you I never thought that at twenty three years old I was going to be in Taiwan learning Chinese and in starting to study a masters degree, God only knows the road he has for us.

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